too many mind

Had a funny Shiai keiko with Akiyama Sensei, thats something that has been missing from my keiko lately. too much pressure on myself, and not just enjoying it.

My desire to do my best is becoming a desire to win, which is making me afraid to be hit..... rather than accepting my opponents hits, ive found myself getting frustrated... and then letting my frustration get to me, rather than contemplating, why? or How?, I even hit my shinai off the floor after shiai practice last night, which, is just plain bad form.

Kendo should be hard, but I think if the fun/sadistic satisfaction is gone from it then you can begin to lose the will to do it. Its vital that I shift this mental attitude and get back to a propper mind set