So, I decided to wear mine at training in two of my Dojo where its a bit less formal.
Tonight I did some shiai practice after keiko and ippon shobu, I got my first bitter taste of disappointment while wearing the zekken this time around.
I didnt "let the zekken down", but, I feel that way. I gave everything, but my shiai was too predictable. my opponents were very strong, and Im not expecting to beat the 3 lads very often. But I made a number of silly mistakes that I should not have made.
That feeling in the back of my head every second, of what wearing this zekken means, of the privilege, to be able to wear it, the pressure that comes with it. The feeling that everything you do has to be perfect, not excuses.
I wear it in training because it makes me train harder, no excuses, no pain, more kiai more effort. While I feel my kihon keiko and jigeiko were alot better than last week, I just couldnt hold it together in Shiai. I think its important to get that kind of feeling setteled into your mind early.
So that you dont walk away from a real shiai feeling the same.
So ill take this bitter feeling, sleep on it, and wake up tomorrow with a new hunger.
I know im lucky to be able to represent my country. I want to do well, to make people proud of Irish Kendo. This type of "setback" is only adding fuel to the fire.
IKUZO!
Ehh, Il get cracking on those other two questions soon....
I got some fantastic news this morning, and I hope it will be the boost I need to get me through the Sandan test on Sunday.
I have been selected to represent Ireland at the World Kendo Championships 2012 in Novarra Italy.
I have been doing kendo for essentially 4 years (since Feb 2008) and since the WKC in Brazil I have made it my goal to represent Ireland as often as possible. I had great luck going to Hungary, unfortunately I couldnt afford to go to Poland (after what was probably my best run in for any competition) and I thought that by leaving Ireland I wouldnt get the chance to represent my country for a while.
This is an absolute dream come true for me and I am going to do my best to make the most of it. Its an absolute honor and a privilege to represent your country and its something not many people get the opportunity to do. So
Ganbarimasu! Ill do my best! Sli and Cliamh!
also, my Sandan is on this Sunday. This weeks keiko has been a mixed bag. Ive been trying to pump myself up, get the head really focused, keep moving forwards and not moving backwards.
So many things are wrong with my Kendo at the moment, Im not pushing though on cuts, im using my right arm, im not finishing cuts with good zanshin, Ive lost the ability to turn propperly, im not stringing attacks together, im too tense, im too slow because im too tense, im thinking too much and its making me tense... everyone is trying to help, which is making me tense.
I know my kendo is better than what im showing at the moment, I know its all in my head, I just hope I snap out of it before or on Sunday (I think the pressure will force me to perform well)
I have to go into it with the Idea of Shodachi - first point, I have to go in with the idea that this is my last chance, this is it, dont let the opportunity pass you by.
I have to relax...
